Cougar - “An older woman who is past her prime & who is attracted to younger men, often as an act of desperation or as a last resort”- Urban Dictionary
I’m going to let Barney Stinson explain how to identify one, “Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with the current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he has engaged a cougar until he is already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now the blouse, the cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. While you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. I see the claws! Long and sharp to ward off rival females...or open alimony checks."–Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother
I was at a popular bar last night with two friends; there wasn’t much unusual going on at the bar, well nothing other than what I have previously described about the men in SF. But then the clock struck 12, and a whole “schoolyard” of cougars infiltrated the bar. Little did I know, but they travel together. They ran towards the bar to hunt down the cute bartender and fought each other for his attention in the hopes flashing him a boob.
I’m not entirely against cougars; they usually go for ManBoys that need someone who can buy them remote controlled toy cars and the latest Call of Duty video game. I’d rather have the cougars hunt them down and sweep these men off the market. Please also keep them on a tight leash and don’t let them out alone without a cougar chaperone.
The problem with cougars is this need to compete, escorted by bitchiness against other women (especially towards women that are younger than them). It’s awkward to be 35+ and be caught wearing Forever 21 (see famous Cougar below), but whatever happened to sisterhood? It’s understandable that people have different priorities in life, some people in their late 30s, are married and raising kids, while others spent their prime making a great career for themselves. But why is the latter so insecure? And why the need to compete with women half your age?
Dear friends of mine, if I am 35 and single, please shoot me.